In the future I will say…

Dear Self,

Chill out. Your kids love you. Your husband does, too. Your family is proud of you and all that time you spent stressing about imagined slights and your failings was time wasted. Mightily so. Life is supposed to be complicated, it’s why underneath those dye jobs for fun you started sprouting curly silver hairs at 20. You don’t have to like them consistently because you won’t, there are days you still contemplate dyeing/not dyeing/shaving the whole mess off; but they are a reminder that you’ve kept going. Even when you didn’t think you could anymore and you were scared about what others would think and that nagging bitch of a voice in your own head would say.

In short, relax. If you play and dance with the kids it’s okay if you have another piece of chocolate when no one is looking. Your kids are happy and you cannot cajole, bribe or entice them to be someone they are not, Miss N will eventually talk to people other than family and restaurant servers though you may want to eat out less. She is simply put, fantastic.

The Boy’s hearing, or lack thereof, is not your fault. Shit happens and he is a spectacular little boy. You know this already and have always known this, don’t lose sight of it.

And remember, any decision that you make out of love is not wrong. Your mother had it right with that one.

Have fun, be kind and play with your friends. You can tell your kids that as much as you want, but you should really pay attention.

You.

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